The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
