He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
