you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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