he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
