help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
