so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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