I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
