All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
