i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So much rum. So many feels.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
