Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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