So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
