get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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