great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
