Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to calm my uterus...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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