it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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