woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
