Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
