Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
