Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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