Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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