How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
