your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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