their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
