Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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