For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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