What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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