You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
