I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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