just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
