Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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