he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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