We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
