Dude my mom stole all your condoms
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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