Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
