MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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