Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
