I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
