you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
