Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it glows. i had to have it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
