Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
