So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
