She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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