Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
