how can u be prego again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
