He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
