The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
