Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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