i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
