so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
