high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
