I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
