who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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