it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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