i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
