I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
