Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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