Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
